Revelations

What you say, tells me who you want to be. What you do shows me who you actually are. 

Stacey Ann Chin

The other day during our conversation, so much was revealed. While you were trying, albeit unsuccessfully, to peg things on me, to try to make me into the person you claim I am, and being met with an overwhelming amount of evidence, facts to counteract your attacks, what actually came into light was this:

You KNEW I was depressed. You said you KNEW. You were aware, you were sure and certain. But your reaction to my depression was to hurt me further. To lie to me. To call me names. To abandon me. To cheat on me. These are things you did. Which you admit to. But, you try so desperately, and so fruitlessly, to cast me in a negative light. 

I've come to realize that your actions have nothing to do with me. Your admittance to the inability or perhaps your want not to communicate have nothing to do with me. It is and was your image of yourself, your feelings of unworthiness, your feelings of inadequacy that led your actions. Your made up stories, that hold no validity in real life. Whenever you try your hardest to pin something on me, to make claim about something I did or said it falls. 

You feel this need to discredit who I am , always. Blaming me for the child's behavior, for her peeing the bed, for almost anything that you can. Because of your own feelings. Because you are not the father you claimed you were going to be. Because you are not the man you claim you are and because I point this out to you and my words are correct, you fictionalize a character for me. A character that does not and has never existed.