Three women in my office are pregnant. Today, as we sat around speaking about pregnancy, symptoms, weird things our bodies do while with child, each of them spoke about something sweet or kind their husbands do or have done for them while being pregnant. I was confronted with the fact that I did not have this during my pregnancy, and it hurt somewhat. I sat in silence listening but, I admittedly was somewhat hurt, and a tad bit jealous. My pregnancy was mostly spent alone, then later, with my mom. Though I planned my pregnancy with someone who said they wanted a child and a family, my requests for love and companionship from this person were met with, "go to your family and friends", "I'll be around more in a few months", "stop being a baby", "I thought you were supposed to be a strong black woman".

And it hurt. Just a little. Not enough to take me off my path. Not enough to shake my faith or put me back in a dark place. But just enough to make me remember. Just enough to make me cry a bit. Sadly, these are the things that still haunt me. These are the things that creep in the back of my mind. These are the things I don't understand.